Shadow Work, Sub-Personalities and Irresponsible Iris
“We are not in the world, the world is within us.” ~Nisargadatta Maharaj
So I’m reading this book “The Dark Side of The Light Chasers” by Debbie Ford. The “rules” of sharing online dictate that I should only share things with you once I’ve moved through them and have learned my lessons. With “perspective.” Something about not sharing during the messy middle. I think it’s bullshit. My passion and excitement happens during the process, as the a-ha’s occur, so that’s where I’m sharing from. Buckle up. This one is a ride!
I’m at a point in my Human Design journey where alchemizing my shadows is a next step. I’ve been in resistance. This book came to me at the precise time I needed it - it was not a coincidence. In the book, Debbie takes the reader through a process of integrating and accepting their shadows. My life’s work (conscious sun) in Human Design is Gate 21-The Way of Authority, with a shadow of control and a gift of authority. There’s an infinite number of shadows possible in the world, as many as there are words, but that was the one I thought I wanted to address first. I got something else. This is the way.
To define - a shadow is a trait that is denied. It can be a positive or negative trait. One way we can identify them is by listening to ourselves in conversation. Anytime we say “I am not….” that is a shadow. We are usually appalled at even the thought. I am NOT sloppy, greedy, a liar, emotional, a narcissist, pompus, lazy…. The thing is though, we are everything.
“Every aspect of the universe is contained within each of us. Every strand of our DNA carries the entire evolutionary history of life…. There is nothing we can see that we are not. If we did not possess a certain quality we could not recognize it in another.”
Another way to tune into our shadows is by paying attention to the judgments we make of ourselves and others. “That guy is such a jerk” when turned inward becomes “I am a jerk”. Essentially, if something triggers a strong response in us, it’s a shadow. The purpose in this work is identifying it, naming it, and owning it. When we deny the “negative” we also dull the “positive”. So if I believe I am not greedy, that means I am also not generous.
Last night I had a recurring dream about not remembering my school schedule and what class I had next. The bell is about to ring and I have no idea where to go. I’m beginning to panic. I’m going to walk into the wrong room, or walk in late and everyone is going to look at me. I am SO irresponsible! How could I lose my schedule? If I didn’t miss so much school I would remember where I was supposed to be next. In my dream as I went up to a desk in the hallway - imagine an information desk at at train terminal - there was a guy talking to the woman behind the desk about needing to find someone that can be there to answer questions about Disney Vacation Club. He was very tall and his name was Trevor. As an owner of multiple DVC contracts and a self proclaimed expert, I volunteered to help out. Next thing I know I’m in a green space (maybe the inner courtyard?) and Superintendent Lars is blowing bubbles, but instead of actual bubbles, they created a colorful mist. Kind of like the cloud created by color run powder. Lars left and I was playing with a little girl with pigtails, laughing and blowing bubbles, making all the colors of the rainbow. Upon waking I realized that this dream is my gateway to Irresponsible Iris. One gift of being irresponsible is being in the right place at the right time for opportunities. It is also the gift of a playful, fun and carefree spirit.
Irresponsible Iris is a sub-personality that I have denied. She’s a little girl with pigtails that loves to play and create and build using her hands. She is 8 year old me. When I was little our backyard pool used to splash over the back edge, creating a big mud puddle. I would spend hours out there in the mud and dirt making mud pies filled with worms and bugs. I can hear my mom exclaiming “Oh Di-ane!” (separate emphasis on the Di from the ane, almost like it was 2 words). By being chastised, I learned that it was not ok to play - it was irresponsible.
I put Irresponsible Iris in a room in the back of my mind and pretended she didn’t exist.
Fast forward to adulthood and what better career for me than one that oozes responsibility? Public accounting, of course! The opposite of irresponsible is control (I mean, maybe responsible sounds like it would be the opposite, but digging down, control is it for me). I do whatever I can to maintain control - from finances to my daily schedule. Making lists and organizing is a super power. Because ‘responsible’ people are in control of their lives. The connection is so obvious to me it nearly knocked me over. Now that I love and value Irresponsible Iris, the question is where can I allow her time to play in my life and work? I am electrified by this question and can’t wait to see where it leads!
Going through this exercise has opened up a whole new world for me. I’m now looking at my judgments of others as they occur and turning them back on myself. The driver that cuts me off in traffic? The person that stands with their cart in the middle of the aisle? They are so inconsiderate!! I am inconsiderate. ooph - gut punch! Ok, how am I inconsiderate? What gifts does being inconsiderate provide? Inconsiderate Ingrid looks a little like Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny. Brown teased hair, chewing gum, high heals with a short skirt. Attitude. The gifts Inconsiderate Ingrid brings me are focus and presence. Think about it. The person blocking the whole aisle has no idea that anyone else is there. They are so singularly focused and present. By denying my inner Inconsiderate Ingrid, she would remind me of her presence. Usually at the most inopportune time because wait for it - she is inconsiderate. I would get sick. In bed for 2 weeks sick. During that time, everything besides getting well takes a back seat. I become singularity focused on my health. I am present, living moment to moment. It is also “ok” to be inconsiderate in that circumstance. I remember one year being thankful that I had a stomach bug on Christmas. Sorry - we have to stay home this year! I love every ounce of our large family. And that year I was burnt out. Being ‘forced’ to keep the holiday quiet was a gift. Being inconsiderate also gives me focus when I’m working. I can be in a room full of people talking, phones ringing, and not hear a thing. I have laser focus on the task at hand. That’s the gift of being inconsiderate.
As I receive and love each of these shadows, I become more whole. I no longer need other people to show me the shadow (being presented with irresponsible and inconsiderate people in my life) because I see it and own it within myself. Since doing this work, I no longer see or judge others for being irresponsible or inconsiderate. Because I see it in me, I no longer need it mirrored back to me by others. Now that I’ve made peace with myself, I’ve made peace with the world.
Journaling is a big part of my daily life. It’s how I know what I think. Otherwise it gets all jumbled up in my head and influences my decisions unconsciously. Living life on purpose with intention is my goal. Journaling helps me get there. Free writing is my preferred method, but sometimes I need a little push in a direction to get started. I thought maybe you may need some inspiration as well.
Enter the question of the day writing prompts:
What are you most afraid of that someone else will find out about you?
What is a quality of someone else’s behavior that bothers you?
Make a list of advice you give to other people. Consider if that advice isn’t meant for you, not them.
Write down a list of 5 things you wouldn’t want said about you by others. Write down the judgments you have about each of those words.
What is the gift in the trait you are considering? What does your inner sub-personality of that trait need to be whole?
Question everything. And then move forward with grace and love.
Diane
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