"There is no such thing as a new idea" ~Mark Twain
Last year during my quest to Understand Me, I was introduced to life coaching. Specifically the Life Coach School (LCS) approach. The main tenant of the LCS’s approach is what they call The Model or, CTFAR.
CTFAR stands for circumstance, thought, feeling, action, result. It’s a theory in psychology known as The Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Model, developed by Aaron Beck. How it works is that first there’s a circumstance - an indisputable fact that everyone can agree on and can be proven in a court of law. That circumstance creates a thought - a sentence we think in our brain. That thought generates a feeling - an emotion described with one word. From that feeling we take action or inaction. The (in)action of course, produces our result. If we follow it through and boil it down, our thoughts create our results. Nifty. So according to the LCS if you want a different result, think a different thought. And by golly if it were this easy, imagine how we could change the world! The work is to not only identify the thought that created the unwanted result, we also want to change it. That my friends is a lifelong journey.
Going through the process, the LCS invites you to question your thoughts by specifically asking yourself - Why am I choosing to think this now? How does this thought serve me? How does this thought feel? Is it true? What am I making it mean? Do I want to be thinking this thought? Can I prove this thought wrong?
One question that I’ve never seen them ask is “Is this thought mine?”
This past weekend I was beginning the journey of Human Design with one of my friends. I was describing how when one of the centers is wide open (not colored in, no circled numbers) - like my solar plexus (emotions) and head (ideas) - that it makes me a sponge to what other people are feeling and thinking. I’ve known this about emotions. It was one of the first things I learned about myself when I started studying my human design. And since becoming aware, it is so much easier to let feelings wash through me, knowing they are not mine. I’ve developed boundaries and practices to identify what emotions are mine and clear out the ones that are not. The neuron recently clicked in my brain that what is true for emotions for me, is also true for thoughts.
The thoughts in my head are not all mine.
I’m not saying that I’m telepathic, as cool as that would be. What I am saying is that some of the thoughts we think are actually picked up from the people physically around us, or those we expose ourselves to through books, movies, shows and podcasts. I believe this to be true of everyone, even if your head is defined or you have some active gates. It’s more pronounced for those of us with an open head because we are sponges. Have you ever asked yourself “where did that thought even come from?” I have. A lot. And also, one of my superpowers is I’m an amazing brainstorming partner.
“There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages.” - Mark Twain
With this newfound knowledge, when I’m journaling my thoughts and come across one that makes me pause, I run a model on it. I specifically write out the circumstance, thought, feeling, action and result. Five lines. Then I look at the thought and begin questioning it. As I try to untangle why I’m feeling a certain way, or why I keep getting the same result even with different actions, I have another question to ask myself - Is this thought mine? If it’s not, do I want to keep thinking it? If not, I can simply let it go. I don’t need to try and change it or psychoanalyze what event in my past brought me to this thought. It’s not mine. I can release it and then I get to think a new thought that is mine and does serve me.
If this resonates with you, know that you don’t have to do this work alone. If you would like support untangling your thoughts and feelings, I have open spots in my 1:1 coaching practice. We can go on the journey to understanding you, together. The clarity you achieve will give you the strength to advocate for yourself in your life, business/job and relationships. Reply to this email and let’s get the conversation started.
Journaling is a big part of my daily life. It’s how I know what I think. Otherwise it gets all jumbled up in my head and influences my decisions unconsciously. Living life on purpose with intention is my goal. Journaling helps me get there. Free writing is my preferred method, but sometimes I need a little push in a direction to get started. I thought maybe you may need some inspiration as well.
Enter the question of the day writing prompts:
What in my life have I outgrown and am ready to let go of to make room for something new?
How do I normally respond when I receive an invitation? Do I feel the pressure to get it started right away or do I wait?
How do I know when something is right for me to begin?
What is your relationship with ambition, mastery and growth in your life?
Do you believe that helping people means your shouldn't care about money If so, where did you pick up that idea and are you willing to put it down?
Question everything. And then move forward with grace and love.
Diane