Being Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable
“Expand your capacity for discomfort and you’ll find that in the space between the old and the new is where the magic of transformation is found .” ~Mark Groves
When was the last time you felt uncomfortable? Before giving a presentation at work? While having a difficult conversation? There are many times when I feel uncomfortable. As a business owner discomfort and I are very close friends. Sometimes it’s related to money and the perceived lack thereof. Almost always it’s before doing something for the first time. We all feel uncomfortable a lot of the time, but choose to ignore it. Insert your coping mechanism of choice here.
When you feel uncomfortable one of two things is happening— you either want answers, or you want to take action. So what’s the best way to handle the pressure and learn to become comfortable with being uncomfortable?
We have two pressure centers, the head and the root. The head pressures you to answer questions and the root pressures you to get shit done. Whether these centers are defined or undefined informs how you relate to pressure. When the head and/or root are defined, you tend to more naturally regulate the pressure. When they are undefined, the energy to regulate the pressure is inconsistent.
The head center asks three questions: what, why and how. Why is the sky blue? What do I do next? How do I keep my plant alive? The pressure of the questions is released with the answer.
The root center regulates the stress and pressure around improvement, starting new things, focusing energy, and finding passion, among others. It’s the center that pushes us to grow and evolve.
Let’s use money as an example. It’s bill paying day, money is tight, and decisions need to be made. The internal dialog may sound something like this: “There’s not enough money. Why is there never enough money? How am I going to pay all of these bills? I have do this now. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get my shit together? I’m never going to get out of this hole. Why does this keep happening? I suck at adulting.”
Let’s take a beat to center and ground. Feet on the floor, deep breath in for a count of five, hold for five, exhale. Breathe loudly. Exhale with sound. Release.
Uncomfortable is a feeling and a state of mind. The head tries to do what it can to relieve the pressure by asking questions. The root tries to relieve the pressure by releasing cortisol, adrenaline and endorphins, spurring you to take action.
In the money example above, there are two things happening: 1. The why-how-what questions, and the pressure to take action (pay the bills or ignore the bills and eat ice cream.) All of this is uncomfortable and you just want to make it stop. You choose to eat ice cream. The next time you sit down to pay bills, you’re running the same dialogue, asking the same questions. This time you rush through the discomfort and pay some bills. The faster it’s done the faster the discomfort will dissolve. After the checks are written or the electronic payment is made, you stand up to walk away and you feel a little better. The pressure is released. “At least that’s over.” There is a moment, however brief, of relief.
Is there a better way? Can we become comfortable with discomfort? Can we take action without creating anxiety or burning out? Yes.
To release pressure in the head try asking better questions. Get curious about the quality and quantity of questions you are asking yourself and others. Become conscious of what content you are consuming and how it is influencing your thoughts. Instead of “Why is there never enough money?” try asking “What can I do to bring in more money or spend less money?” The questions that get asked get answered. When the focus is on never enough, the answer will always be never enough. When the focus is on what can I do, the answer will be things to do. This is classic confirmation bias. Let’s use it to your advantage by asking better questions. Another way to release the pressure in the head is to acknowledge that not every question requires an answer. Lean into the trust that the answer will unfold in perfect timing.
To release pressure in the root, physically move your body. Go for a walk, play with the dog, do a physical activity you enjoy. It’s also helpful to be curious about your relationship with deadlines, to do lists and outer expectations. A couple of years ago a Human Design coach told me my work shouldn’t revolve around deadlines and I laaaaughed! Good luck with that, I thought. A CPA without deadlines. smh. In retrospect I can see what she meant. I was using outer expectation deadlines in an unhealthy way to spur me to getting the work done. It was the perfect storm of perfection, procrastination and deadline pressure that led to my chronic illness. Another tool for managing the pressure in your root center is to turn on your parasympathetic nervous system through meditation, listening to music, talking to a calming friend, laughter, or journaling.
There are gifts to be found in learning to be comfortable being uncomfortable. I’m still remembering and forgetting and remembering again that with an undefined root center, my gift is the wisdom of stillness and joy. I’m forever remembering to discern between the tasks that are truly important, and what can be let go of in favor of stillness and joy. The gift of my undefined head center is the ability to think in diverse ways, adapt to different environments and understand multiple viewpoints.
Dealing with pressure and embracing discomfort is a constant process that ebbs and flows. Give yourself grace and love along the way.
Journaling is a big part of my daily life. It’s how I know what I think. Otherwise it gets all jumbled up in my head and influences my decisions unconsciously. Living life on purpose with intention is my goal. Journaling helps me get there. Free writing is my preferred method, but sometimes I need a little push in a direction to get started. I thought maybe you may need some inspiration as well.
Enter the question of the day writing prompts:
What would it look like to trust your inner wisdom?
What do you see coming that you are afraid to face?
What is my relationship with limitations?
What are your indicators of right timing?
What is the difference between knowledge and wisdom to you?
Question everything. And then move forward with grace and love.
Diane
My 4/6 line loves a community - if my writing sparked a thought in your head or a feeling in your body, please leave a comment or hit reply and let’s talk about it.
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